Four Things I Wish I’d Known Before Adopting

Raising kids is hard work. Sleepless nights, financial strains, behavior issues… parenting is the hardest job in the world.  Still, nothing could have prepared me for the joys of a meal together, Christmas morning chaos, and those moments when they hug you and mean it.

I have five amazing kids. Our oldest is our only child that is biologically from our DNA (his loss). Our second child was adopted domestically at only a few days old. Our youngest 3 are biological sisters, adopted together in 2007 from Colombia. (Yes, I see your raised eyebrows from here.)

I’ve never seen a book called “What to Expect When You’re Adopting.” Perhaps it’s because each adoption (and foster) experience is as unique as the kids we bring home. "There's a popular acronym IYKYK (If you know, you know). Well, here are a few things that I didn't know before starting this journey: "

1. All of the books and training (and prayer!) that happen before you adopt are great… but it’s all just theory, until those kiddoes come home. You can “channel” the greats like Karen Purvis, Dan Siegel, and Curt Thompson, but no one knows your  kids better than you. Learn as much as you can, but feel free to adapt the techniques to what works best for your family. 
   
   

2. Be informed, but not fearful. Don’t let the naysayers (including other adoptive families) breed fear in your heart. The “what if’s” in our hearts…the non-supportive extended family…hold tight to your calling to adopt. It is a rich and precious gift. If this is the path the Lord is leading you on, He will be faithful.
   
   

3. Whatever secret sin, veiled fear, or dark corners of your heart exist - adopting will pour fertilizer all over it. I’ve watched my hurts and hang-ups bubble to the surface for over 20 years, and they aren’t pretty.  My kids have seen me at my weakest:  losing my ability to stay calm, saying things I don’t mean, and escaping to my closet to scream in a pillow. All the while, God Almighty is gently whispering to me, “You know, Meredith, I don’t want to just heal your kids from their trauma. I want to heal you from yours.”  And He has… or rather, IS healing my family and myself. While I can’t honestly be thankful for the pain, I can be grateful for the healing - healing that never would have happened without the shove to welcome it.
   
   

4. It’s going to be okay. In a season of some very dark days, a dear friend gave me a mug that says, literally, “It’s going to be okay.”  It sounds really simple, but I placed that mug in a prominent spot in our house, and repeated its mantra every day… sometimes every hour.  Our children’s stories are not fully written yet. Neither are ours. Hope is not a casual summer dress you throw on to go sit in a cafe. Hope is the Gorilla Glue that holds us together… holds our families together… holds our hearts when they break. Faith is the flack jacket that refuses despair when it comes in shotgun blasts. Faith is the shield that extinguishes those fiery arrows from  our enemy. Faith is found in community.  THIS community. Join in, and let’s look into each others’ faces and say, “It’s going to be okay.”

“…I’ve never seen a book called “What to Expect When You’re Adopting.” Perhaps it’s because each adoption (and foster) experience is as unique as the kids we bring home…”

Even though I wish I had known them… even if I wish someone had told me, I probably wouldn’t have believed them. “I’ll be different than that.” “That doesn’t apply to me.”  Possibly true, however, I’m betting you will be a better learner than me. ;)