Trauma and Cousin Eddie: 3 Ways to Heal from the Holidays
Raise your hand if the holidays have been hard. *hand raised over here*
Remember Cousin Eddie from the holiday classic “Christmas Vacation?” Dennis Quaid plays a not-so-endearing relative that shows up for Christmas unexpectedly. His lack of social manners bring comedy to the screen because his character is so totally relatable. His buffoonery belies his side-motivation to have others pay for Christmas gifts for his kids. Are his motives pure or not?
The point of his character is to bring some laughs to the movie, which Cousin Eddie wholly accomplishes. What about actual, real-life unexpected guests at Christmas? Trauma is not welcome at Christmas dinner, but somehow it always pulls a chair up to the table and makes everything more awkward and uncomfortable. As we head back into the routine of life and 2024, here are 3 ways to gain some perspective. Let’s join together and make healing our goal.
Set the bar realistically. It’s really easy to be hard on ourselves. I always walk away from difficult people and triggering situations wishing I had handled it better. I can easily think, “I’ve been dealing with this situation for years and I still walk away feeling so angry and sad!” Perhaps part of the problem is that I have set an unrealistic goal for myself. Maybe instead of believing, “this time, I’ll handle things perfectly,” I can step into hard holidays with a more realistic view. Maybe my intentional goal can be to just maintain hope during and after the holidays…a worthy goal indeed.
Recognize progress. It feels like I make the same mistakes and feel the same hurts every Christmas season. Why don’t I seem to get better at this after years of working on it?? Yet, what do I need to recognize as progress - how can I change my perspective to include even seemingly small improvements I make each year? For example, maybe my “recovery time” after the holidays is a little shorter this year than last. Or perhaps I stepped away from an unhealthy situation this year, instead of getting wrapped up in an emotional interaction. We can consider even small things to be huge victories. Let’s give ourselves some credit for the massive effort it takes to move the needle towards mental health.
Find peace in the paradox of Christmas. All the hard parts of the holidays stand in great contrast to the babe named Jesus in the manger. This was a very challenging concept for me this year. How can I experience the peace of Christ while my heart hurts even more this time of year? Yet, if I can put Jesus’ coming to this planet at the center, instead of my trauma at the center, then my hope will rise. Jesus is the Healer of my trauma - and while my trauma seems magnified during the holidays, so is the truth of God’s love for me.
Let’s take a pulse before we head into 2024. Are the expectations I have for myself realistic? Do I recognize the progress I’ve made - even baby steps - in the past year? How can I pause to sense the peace of Christ around me? Grab some coffee with a (safe) friend or family member and talk about these concepts. Step into community. And let’s both look in the mirror and remember: God sent his Son to heal me and make me whole. His goal for me is to heal. God Almighty can see all the progress I’m making. And as I step into connection with other supportive relationships, I can begin to see what God sees. I can believe that I’m learning and growing. I can remember to have more grace and patience with myself. And we all need that reminder in this season, more than ever.
