5 Things I’ve Learned from Ted Lasso about Creating a Culture of Kindness
Updated: Feb 10, 2022
Right in the middle of some of the darkest early days of the pandemic, a new series, Ted Lasso landed on Apple TV+. It takes place in England, where an American football coach is hired to be a manager for a British football team. Ted brims with positivity, even in the face of many obstacles in Season One an entire football stadium calling him names, a boss who is trying to sabotage the franchise, and a team that thinks he’s a joke. Yet, Ted Lasso’s kindness never seems to waver.
Source: People.com
This reminds me of Jorge. Jorge was our gardener when we lived in Mexico. With Dan and I working full time, we were glad to offer some work to this local gentleman. Jorge showed up in the same shirt at our house every week: with a smile on his face. He was always willing to stop for a chat, and always patient with my Spanish. Jorge was a bright spot in my week. His kindness to me meant a great deal to me, because he was willing to cross our cultural boundaries to just…be kind.
Why does kindness matter? It matters because it’s not our sameness that challenges us…it’s the differences between us. When someone steps across the aisle, from their world to mine, it shows that kindness rules. I am better for knowing and loving the differences around me. That’s a rule worth following.
Note: there are season 1 and 2 spoilers throughout this article. Parents: Ted Lasso is a show with some significantly salty language.
1. Giving unmerited gifts is a pathway into our happiness.
Remember those “biscuits” that Ted gave Rebecca every day? Not only did Rebecca thoroughly enjoy the daily delivery of her favorite biscuits, but it seems obvious how much joy Ted received out of giving them to her. And baking, prepping, etc. Do you have someone like that in your life? Over the years, my husband has randomly received gifts from patients…and I, as his wife, have been the beneficiary of these gifts as well. Pretty cool, I know! Scarves. A big box of dates. A Jewish Study Bible.
A few years ago, there was a man in town who was not, shall we say, popular or well-liked. After some back-and-forth with myself, I felt led to just start showing him kindness. Every so often, I would brave the rickety ramp, and the 5 dogs barking at me like a pack of wild dogs, and leave a plate of cookies on an old, rusty filing cabinet on his front porch. I don’t remember if I ever got a “thank you” from him, but it was extremely gratifying for me. Maybe that’s because I knew I would never get a “thank you” from him. There’s a part of me that wanted him to come to the door, tell me how much the treats meant to him, and offer to fix our lawnmower. Yet, knowing that would probably never happen, God began to give me joy. I decided to picture Jesus, just sitting on the couch inside with him. Adding Jesus to the equation, changed my heart.
Giving gifts - just because - is just fun.
2. Promoting the underdog is the right thing to do, even when it’s messy.
Nate the Great. He is the personification of all of our insecurities. Season 1: he is deeply fearful and has low self-esteem until he finds his voice - thanks to Coach Lasso. Season 2: After a lifetime of being pushed down, all his buried anger starts to surface - and it’s not a pretty sight.
What can I learn from this? Being an underdog - or a foster kid, for that matter - is complicated. Promoting an underdog gives him/her a voice, a purpose, and sometimes - needed confidence. I just need to remember: relationships are messy. Whether it’s promoting the underdog or adopting a child - good intentions are not always enough…but lifting up the downtrodden among us is…just…right.
3. Panic attacks happen. Be the Rebecca in the moment.
If there’s one thing we learn about Rebecca in Season 1, it’s that she can be pretty self-absorbed. She tried to ruin the season, no matter how it affected the team or coaches. However, in a tender moment during Ted’s first on-screen panic attack, she laid all her feelings aside. She left her glory moment at the Karaoke mic and tended to him. From then on, we begin to see a change in Rebecca. And the change from selfishness to empathy is a thing of beauty.
It’s like that moment when your newly adopted 5 year old brings you a handful of flowers (weeds). Just minutes before, she was dysregulated and angry that you made chocolate chip cookies instead of snickerdoodles. Her expression of empathy toward you becomes priceless - a window into her precious, hurting heart.
Panic attacks are awful. I want to be the friend or parent that creates safe space for an anxious soul to find rest. I want to be the one to pray to the One who brings healing to our worried hearts.
4. Presence matters.
Two words: Coach Beard. No one can say more, without opening their mouth, than Coach Beard. He is there. He is there for Coach Lasso - Beard moved across an ocean and deals with the daily stress of cross-cultural life, to be present for Lasso. He is the Samwise to Ted’s Frodo. He is the Black Widow to Ted’s Hawkeye. He is the Leia to Ted’s Luke. Coach Beard is present, and attentive.
Man, do I need to take lessons from Beard. How often do I do or say things with my kids, when what is needed is just my non-anxious presence…? How often do I try to “fix” things in their lives, when, actually, I just need to sit while they cry on my shoulder…? Thanks for the nudge, Coach. I needed it.
5. Forgiveness is always in season
No matter what season we are in - football or otherwise - forgiveness is an awesome way to play the game of life. After all the back-stabbing, the lying, the hate-filled junk that Rebecca threw at Ted all of Season 1, when she came to him with an honest confession and a sincere apology - he forgave her. Would I have done the same? How often do I seek power over the person, by holding a grudge…by getting ONE MORE word in… or by giving a cold shoulder…? What is going on in my heart that needs healing, so I can respond more like Ted…and in reality: more like Jesus?
Picture the scene: The wager has been set. Justice and justification are on the line. Two men, one dart board, one dart left. 40 pairs of eyes are focused, absolute silence in the bar. Ted turns to his opponent and says,
“Guys have underestimated me my entire life and for years I never understood why – it used to really bother me. But then one day I was driving my little boy to school and I saw a quote by Walt Whitman, it was painted on the wall and it said, 'Be curious, not judgmental.' I like that.”
He shifts the dart from his right hand…to HIS LEFT, and throws an impossible shot and wins!! Yet, even in his moment of victory, he does not gloat. He does not talk trash. He is strong, but kind. Why do moments like this touch our very souls? His kindness affects the people around him. I want a heart like that. I don't want to just SAY “it’s not about me.” I want to BELIEVE it’s not about me.
Creating a culture of kindness is important because it reflects how God made us. Kindness, whether giving an unmerited gift, or simply our presence, can be really difficult in-the-moment. Showing kindness affects the ecosystems of our homes: creating fabric for the tapestry of the life we live together. Kindness says, “No matter what, we are family, and I choose you every time.” Kindness is the part of our hearts that is shaped by Jesus and wants to be more like him. I want a heart like that. I want to be a part of a community that chooses kindness. I want to help create a community that chooses kindness, because I have much to learn…and because I might have something to offer.
